The Secret to Raising Smart Kids

A brilliant student, Jonathan sailed through grade school. He completed his assignments easily and routinely earned As. Jonathan puzzled over why some of his classmates struggled, and his parents told him he had a special gift. In the seventh grade, however, Jonathan suddenly lost interest in school, refusing to do homework or study for tests. As a consequence, his grades plummeted. His parents tried to boost their son’s confidence by assuring him that he was very smart. But their attempts failed to motivate Jonathan.

Implication

  • Jonathan implicitly learned that intelligence is innate and fixed and, striving to learn seems far less important.
  • Jonathan associated being smart meant that one’s ability to do task with no or minimal effort
  • Jonathan has attached his ego to his innate capabilities; hence, challenges, mistakes, and even exerting effort threaten ego rather than learning opportunities.
  • Jonathan now losses confidence and motivation when the work is no longer easy.
  • The correct association to build in a child is of effort and smartness. One should not care about the outcome rather putting in a honest effort. A person can’t change how their innate abilities as they also don’t have any control over them but rather on the work they put in.
  • Associating smartness with ease or completing work with minimal effort lead us to the path of learned helplessness as the individual start to believe that they have no control over the problem and think that only talented people can do such a task.
  • In particular, attributing poor performance to a lack of ability depresses motivation more than the belief that lack of effort is to blame.

Two Views of Intelligence

Two general classes of learners helpless and mastery-oriented.

Helpless learners:(Fixed Mindset)

The helpless ones believe that intelligence is a fixed trait: you have only a certain amount, and that’s that. Mistakes crack their self-confidence because they attribute errors to a lack of ability, which they feel powerless to change. They avoid challenges because challenges make mistakes more likely and looking smart less so. Like Jonathan, such children shun effort in the belief that having to work hard means they are dumb.

Mastery-oriented learners:(Growth Mindset)

The mastery-oriented children, on the other hand, think intelligence is malleable and can be developed through education and hard work. They want to learn above all else. After all, if you believe that you can expand your intellectual skills, you want to do just that. Because slipups stem from a lack of effort, not ability, they can be remedied by more effort. Challenges are energizing rather than intimidating; they offer opportunities to learn.

Effect on Relationships

Ones ability understand that people can change overtime and not labeling people in a certian way helps in build healty relationships because in such sitution when a problem surfaces it is disscused as their is a mutual understand that a problem can be worked out.